Here’s a good one: A scientology contract was leaked. If you want to work for them as a Class V officer (whatever that is), you need to sign this document: scientology-class-v-org-contract.
Among other things, you need to agree that:
you won’t get paid
that if you quit before the end of your term (2.5 or 5 years), you’ll have to pay a ‘penance’. You need to pay them!
So, James Corbett, a 20-year teacher, says to his high school class, “creationism is religious, supersititious, nonsense,” when referring to a previous lawsuit where a science teacher was forced to teach evolution. One of the students sued Dr. Corbett because he violated the student’s right to free speech!
And the judge agreed with the student! What a load of crap. Creationism is religious. Creationism is superstitious. And Creationism is nonsense.
So, it seems to be that if you believe something that’s in conflict with science, you can just go to a science class, get the teacher to say something about your stupid belief, then sue the teacher.
I still like the green sea slug plantimal as the best cross-species gene transfer, but wasps are pretty good too.
There’s no consent for these surrogate parents. Tens of thousands of wasp species lay their eggs inside caterpillars [ed. Google says there are more than 200,000 species of wasp], injecting toxins that paralyze the hosts and allow their young to feast on the innards with impunity. Researchers have long wondered what exactly these toxins are and where they came from. The answers, a new genetic analysis reveals, have to do with a virus that infected wasps millions of years ago.
That’s pretty sweet. Wasp gets infected by toxic virus. Wasp co-opts virus genes and uses it as toxin to let babies feast on a caterpillars. Wasp has 10,000 descendant species.
Or…. if you prefer…. God made 200,000 species of wasps, and gave only 10,000 of them the ability to lay their eggs inside catapillars, and inject the caterpillars with virus-like toxin that coincidentally perfectly matches the DNA from an actual virus. He does this just to tweak the collective nipples of anybody who might be sequencing DNA strands 6,000-10,000 years after the creation.
I really wish pepole would stop thanking God. I'm the one who saved your life, dammit!
Captain Chesley Sullenberger, the now famous captain of US Airway flight 1549 that crashed in the Hudson river, just can’t figure out why people are so grateful to God for trying to kill everybody on board. The incredulous Sullenberger said
“Look, God could have sent only 1 bird into one engine to teach us a lesson. Or how about some wind sheer to shake things up a bit. Or maybe he could have waited until we gained some altitude so we could have gotten back to the airport safely. But damn. No. He was trying to kill every one of us. He waited just long enough for us to get high enough to easily kill everybody on board if we crash. Then wham! 2 birds, 2 engines gone. Bastard. But, the good thing is, I kick ass. I was able to land that plane in the god damn river. Who else has done that with everybody surviving? Nobody, that’s who.
I dunno. Maybe he really wanted to kill only one of us. Maybe is was Emma Sophina, who wrote that song called, “A song for Sully,” which ostensibly is about me, but if you listen to the words just thanks God over and over. Damn. I saved your life woman, and what do I get? A song about the guy who tried to kill you. Shit.”
Sully continued ranting for another 15 or 20 minutes, but ended the interview with this.
“I’d like to thank God for sending those 2 birds into my engines. It’s made me terribly famous and I’m going to get rich bitch!”
He already vacated the floor tile to take up residence in a sandwich. Unfortunately, He never made it into a sandwich, but is on for auction instead. (via Bad Astronomy).
Here’s a really bad case of pareidolia, and a good analysis of this here, and the original report here. Sorry to hear that He left the cat’s leg, and too bad if you’re the sucker that bought the doggie door. Jesus is no longer residing in your flap.
