While we were watching game 2 of the world series tonight, and my wife and I wondered, “what the heck are those big rope necklaces the baseball players are wearing.”

Well, it turns out that they work by the principal of magic.  They’re called Phiten necklaces, which somehow magically “balances” the body’s “signals”.  What the hell does that mean?  They use magic to transform titanium into ‘aqua-titanium’, which is a water soluble form of titanium.  And then more magic happens, and you get in balance.  Neat.

Well, fortunately, it works opposite of what they claim:

See the necklace? These guys scored zero points.

And... Without the necklace, these guys scored 9. Coincidence? I don't think so!

Well crap, okay oaky.  It is a coincidence, and I know that there are plenty of dumbasses on the Giants that also wear them.  But like the deity, the Phiten always gets credit for good things, but never blame for bad things.  Oh well, whatcha gonna do?

Thank God it’s good Friday.

Larry:  And Tourette’s Syndrome?

Mr. Deity:  Yeah, leave it in.  But wait for Tourette.

So, I’m driving along and see this car in front of me.  I’m always entertained by stuff like, “What is GOD? find out at www.MathMiracle.com.”  So, I went to, you guessed it, the Math Miracle web site, and boy is it funny.  I’m pretty sure this is not a parody.

Here are the FACTS:

God informs us in Chapter 74 that the authenticity of the Quran will be proven by the number 19. Verse 35 describes this 19-based mathematical code as “One of the great miracles”:

1. The Quran consists of 114 chapters, which is 19 x 6.
2. The total number of verses in the Quran is 6346, or 19 x 334.
   Note that 6 + 3 + 4 + 6 = 19.
3. The word “God” (Allah) occurs in the Quran 2698 times,
   and this number equals 19 x 142.
4. The total sum of verse numbers for all verses containing the word “God” is 118123, also a multiple of 19 (118123 = 19×6217).
5. “The Quran” is mentioned in the Quran 57 times, 19 x 3.
6. The first verse, known as “Basmalah,” consists of 19 letters.
7. The word “proof” is written throughout the entire Quran 19 times.
8. The famous first revelation (96:1-5) consists of 19 words.
9. This 19-worded first revelation consists of 76 letters, or 19 x 4.
10. The first chapter revealed (Sura 96) consists of 19 verses.
11. This first chapter revealed is placed atop the last 19 chapters.
12. This chapter also consists of 304 letters, or 19 x 16.
13. The last revelation (Sura 110) consists of 19 words.
14. The first verse of the last revelation (110:1) consists of 19 letters.
15. The Quran mentions 30 different numbers: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 19, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 99, 100, 200, 300, 1000, 2000, 3000, 5000, 50,000, & 100,000.
    The sum of these numbers is 162146, which equals 19×8534.

Huh, that’s only 15 facts.  Too bad, things are alredy looking bad for your proof.

The Quranic Initials

The Quran is characterized by a unique phenomenon never found in any other book; 29 chapters are prefixed with 14 different sets of “Quranic Initials,” consisting of one to five letters per set. Fourteen letters, or half of the Arabic alphabet, participate in these initials. They collectively make up an interlocking mathematical system that is easily superhuman.

Wow, that is easily superhuman.

Anyway, I just thought it was funny.  It’s also funny to see Islam and Mormon (Yes on on the same bumper.

My good friend Rob (who is Chinese BTW) pointed this out to me:  if you type “I am extremely terrified” into google, it auto-suggests “I am extremely terrified of Chinese people.”   It’s due to this article in crapwire: http://christwire.org/2009/02/i-am-extremely-terrified-of-chinese-people/.

This article is worth a read, but I’m not sure to be rolling on the floor laughing, or extremely terrified of fundamentalists.  The people who run that site are completely nuts.  Here’s just a taste of the nonsense in that article:

Historically, Chinese people have naturally wanted to bring destruction and great mayhem to all things American. Liberals will tell you lies and say this is not true and very extreme, but mark my words. Liberals want nothing more than to see a small population of American overran by billions of Asians. This is why they support abortion.

Words duly marked.  Unfortunately, they don’t make sense.  Liberals want to be ‘overran’?  I’m dying to be overran by Chinese, aren’t you?

Only 60 years ago, these Asian peoples joined up with Adoldf Hitler in order to destroy the most moral nation on Earth. Even though their attacks took the life of many good men on a day of infamy, America was blessed to rain bombs of freedom and nurture resultant liberty within a very dark Asian culture.

Uh, dude!  That was the Japanese! And by the way, shouldn’t we be terrified of Germans?

Having been to China more times than I would like to in the last few years, my primary opinion of them is this;  They have exactly the same morals as us.  And the food in Suzhou is much better than the food in Shenzhen.

This guy’s nuts. He’s predicting the end of the world. You realy should give it a click.  The home page is *huge*, so I thought it was just one of those web sites with everything on one page.  But it turns out it keeps going!

Astronomical signs prove 100% that the ending of the

7-year tribulation period is at the end of 2015!

Rob sent me a cool link to the lolcat bible.   The Ceiling Cat maded teh skies, but he did not eated dem.

Eternal Earthbound Pets will take care of your pets after the rapture. It’s run by sworn atheists, so they are sure to remain after you’ve shuffled off this mortal coil. For the small fee of only $110 + $15 for each additional pet.

They don’t take exotic animals, only the soft fuzzy ones.

Thanks  for the pointer Sean

Barney Frank gives a nice response to a crackpot.

The Bible says that if your son curses you, you need to kill him. Here’s a guy that went down to Texas to see if people would help him out.